This Means War

As mentioned previously, my database class split up into two teams to work on our semester long project. Apparently, the other team (the self declared “Manly Men” Team) has started a smear campaign by posting the following on their website:

Manly Man Competitors Indicted for all Kinds of Bad Things.
Good Company says it’s a Shame That the Government Didn’t act Earlier.

Baltimore – Two weeks after announcing their newest venture, Team Jads (more commonly known as Team Estrogen), a joint venture of Really Amazingly Evil Corporation and Microsoft Corporation has been indicted for fraud, insider trading, intentional sale of harmful products, sales of illicit substances to minors, racketeering, murder, and poor fashion sense. When asked what the reason was for the number and severity of the charges, District Attorney Ju Gohindawn replied, “Have you ever used any of their previous products? I used their flower delivery service and they sent man-eating venus flytraps to my wife for our anniversary instead of the long stem roses I ordered. As compensation for that ‘fiasco’ they said that I could be the first to try their new DVD store [still in production] and get a free movie. They sent me the wrong movie and it then exploded in my DVD player sending lethal shrapnel into the majority of my family and staring the now infamous Chicago fire.” The D.A. is also investigating the true meaning of the acronym JADS. The current leads indicate it stands for “Juvenile Abigei with Dacnomaniacal Sensibilities.”
When asked for comment, the heads of Manly Man Inc., a saintly and efficient organization with a reputation as the best database company, said, “It’s just a shame that a company that deranged could survive for so long. We really feel sorry for their venture capitalists, how are they supposed to know what they were getting into. Look how Team Estrogen fooled everyone. You assume from the front of their webpage that they are a gentle corporation that enjoys roses. Little do you know that to get those roses to their abnormally large and red state Estrogen fed them the blood of cute baby puppies daily, and occasionally a little bunny rabbit too.”
Manly Man Inc. is the non-profit and charitable division of Ultimate Humongous Awesome Corporation is dedicated to creating quality products and donating all profits to charities dealing with men’s health and self defense issues.